December 14, 2005
Once there was a Buttlist--actually, the page is still here, but as it has lain fallow for months, I've decided to archive it, rather than struggling to update it. It's much easier just to start fresh.
The Buttlist started as a way for me to keep track of my smoking, in hopes of cutting down and eventually quitting. In the eight months since I stopped updating the page, I have mostly continued to keep track, and I have the data; but putting it all up in the old format now seems rather pointless, not to mention tedious and time-consuming.
I've decided, therefore, to condense the information and add it in a new format. Rather than attempt a play-by-play of the two-hundred fifty-seven days gone by, my plan for now is to put up some averages, and maybe even a graph or two. Because, well . . .
The thing is, I miss doing the Buttlist. It started out as just a simple list, and became, instead, a sort of ersatz blog. It may have been a blog in the worst sort of sense, just me rambling on about pointless things, but then, it never was about providing great illumination to the world. It just became a sort of comforting thing to do.
This rambling also became part of the downfall of the original Buttlist, perhaps. The amount of content--or cruft--I added grew and grew, and eventually I had so much I thought I wanted to say that it all became top-heavy and fell over. Or something like that. Looking at the timing, it also wasn't too long after quitting the one job, so maybe the change in schedule had something to do with it, as well.
As I look back on it, yes, that's true, and there was more. I used that spring to clean my house, get the wiring fixed, and try to spread out in some new directions. There was a period of disruption, for sure.
At any rate, there were other things bugging me about the list. I had in the back of my mind a better format, where I could run some numbers, for whatever reason. Also, beyond being a device to help me reflect on and, maybe, help myself, it would be nice if it could help someone else as well, somehow. I'm far from alone in my struggle against myself with regards to tobacco, for certain. Maybe--but I'm not sure how to finish that thought. At the least, if I can manage to quit, it might provide some inspiration for someone. That's far from a given at this point, however.
Another thought I've had is that while I've sort of fallen without really trying into the blogging frame, I'm just basically writing quick-and-dirty HTML. That's not too bad, since I can do what I do with a minimum of effort--it certainly uses a minimum of style--but maybe I should check into some actual blogging software. Of course, it would make more since to just sign up for an account at Blogspot or whatever, or use my Slashdot journal, even, rather than pay the fifteen bucks a month for my Web host, plus go through all the hassle of doing it myself--assuming it even pans out--but, well, that would not be the HeadWreck way, now, would it?
While I've been wading through the last paragraph-and-a-half, it has occured to me--what I'm doing is a blog about quitting smoking, or at least struggling with it, and I might as well admit it. I've also mixed it up with my life in general, and I suppose that is okay, but at the moment I want to focus on that blog-about-smoking thing, because it has a certain--well--focus. It's kind of pure, and simple, and concrete, and the fact that it involves the rest of my life isn't a problem, because it's a life issue; a big one.
I'm going to let it go there, for now, because I'd like to update this part of the site today (I goofed with the front page earlier, and that was kind of fun). In the next few days, hopefully, I'll start getting some of that data put together, and maybe even a graph or two. The thing is, I pulled my numbers into KSpread, since that's what I have here on Slackware, and I'm not yet sure how much I'm going to hate myself for that. But that's a whole different kettle of fish I want to fry, and so for now--bye bye.
Daily average of cigarettes for December thus far: 27.14