Waching and waiting
By Markus | February 7, 2010
For the most part, I don’t blog about the important things going on in my life. And there is no way I could blog what’s going on right now; it would be like trying to blog a book. In fact, I am pretty sure it is entirely book-worthy. The names will have to be changed to protect the innocent, even though there seem to be none who are truly innocent, except for any children who might get a mention. Happily, though, there are no children involved. I guess that means everybody’s guilty of something.
As for myself, my sense of guilt has to do with lessons learned. Let me try to be less oblique. One of the big lessons of my life now seems to be about self-control; the whole “you can only control yourself”, or at least your own responses to things.
The word “response” is important, I think, as opposed to “reaction”. Stephen Covey talks a little about this in his Seven Habits. I am sure this is talked about all over the place. It surely has been talked about in my life lately.
I have noticed that the things that hurt me most, by which I mean things that come back to me and cause me emotional pain, are things I’ve done, specifically reactions to things. On the other hand, as I think about it, when I respond well, it isn’t so much proud of myself that I feel; just good, and sort of a sense of peace. Actually I will have to think more about this, since looking at this side of it just sort of occurred to me.
At any rate, at the moment I find myself caught up in a situation that has been wearing on me both emotionally and physically. However, right now it seems like it is a spiritually awesome situation. I can’t deny that I have grown as a person. I also can’t deny that I have really needed it, and I’m quite sure I have plenty of “finishing” left to do. In some ways, I barely recognize myself anymore. No, that may be going too far, but I do know that, despite everything, I am the better for it. I have complained, if only to myself (mostly), that it has been “sucking the life out of me”, but I was wrong. Sure, I think it has aged me in some ways, but mostly I think it has been sucking the crud out of me.
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A cigarette
By Markus | February 4, 2010
Ten days without a cigarette have gone by. I just rolled up a pretty stick of Peter Stokkebye Turkish Export; the first from a brand-new can, my last. I’m still enjoying the Röda Lacket Lös I have in my mouth right now, but in a little while I believe I’m going to have a smoke.
I sent my other can to a friend; I hope I’m not going overboard in calling him a friend, still, he is someone I like (although there are those who would wonder why I would give cigarette tobacco to someone I like, and I get that). He has been using snus for years and says he only smokes a cig now and then, and only if he has tobacco. He mentioned to me that this can (300 grams) may last him a year. I don’t know that mine will last that long, but I would like to see how long I can stretch it out.
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Naval-Gazing and MeMeMe
By Markus | January 24, 2010
The only thing that’s been keeping me sitting on my hands with regard to blogging is that everything I try to say seems so naval-gazing. Then it hit me–that’s what I’m supposed to do! I’m obviously good at it. I guess I’ve just been off on some ego trip or something, thinking that what I write should matter, should be deep, of consequence–why? It’s not going to matter anyway. It’s my personal blog, not the Rosetta Stone mixed with the works of Shakespeare and a sprinkling of Edgar Allan Poe.
I guess my answer yesterday might have been “so that people will want to read it”. Did I really think people are surfing around out there, looking for Deep Stuff to read? They just want to read! And they’re probably not going to read me anyway. They’re probably not even going to find me, and if they do, they’re probably looking for something else, and will just click on past.
So what’s changed between today and yesterday (honest disclaimer: I wrote those words, and most of this, two days ago)? I guess just the realization–in a way sudden, but more of a dawning inspiration–that I shouldn’t be ashamed to naval-gaze. I should embrace it, and go with it full-bore.
Heck, it might just be my calling.
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Tearing snus in half
By Markus | January 21, 2010
Since I’ve referenced this post at SnusOn several times now, I thought I’d like to keep it around for easy access. Plus, for the first time, I’ve tried it today, with a Thunder Frosted portion. So far, so good.
By the way, Snus Hog, thank you for this tip, and also for allowing me to reproduce your post in full.
Update: I’m not quite sure why I find this a little fascinating, but reading back over it I remembered something kind of related. Mom used to tear sticks of chewing gum in half. As far as I know, she still does, but sticks of gum ain’t what they used to be. But I remember seeing these half-sticks of Wrigley’s Spearmint or Doublemint in the “junk drawer”, where they’d pick up bits of dirt and lint on the torn end, so they’d never get used, or so I thought. For all I know, Mom tore off the dirty end and chewed the rest, but as far as I can recall they just stayed in there and got hard and stale and eventually thrown away, as part of that mysterious process where the junk drawer somehow got fuller and messier all the time without ever actually overflowing.
Snus Hog
Joined: 09 Nov 2009
Posts: 8
Location: UKPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 9:51 am
I’m a bit of a lightweight when it comes to snus, I prefer minis most of the time but don’t like paying double for the privilege, I get past this by simply rolling a standard portion between thumb and index finger in the middle of the portion, back and forth along the length, this compresses the two halves into nice equal mini portions, a quick tear and then in it goes, the other half stays together even when alone in a tin and being shaken around. I do this pretty much all the time, takes literally a few seconds, no mess and you get a nice pouch to hold it in (as opposed to using los which I’m not keen on, prefer no mess). Obviously it takes a bit of practice, the key is the direction you roll, along the length not the width. Also good for a more discreet standard dose as you can create two compressed halves and pop one in each side. Works great with long portions like 01 too.
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Definition of headwrecked
By Markus | January 18, 2010
Someone asked me recently what I consider to be the definition of ‘headwrecked’.
It’s when one’s head is wrecked. It could be one’s mind, and it could be one’s brain; and it’s to the extent it colors one’s life to some degree.
Headwreck (or sometimes HeadWreck, but right now that strikes me as too cutesy) the site is about the nature of the headwreck, possibly the causes or origins of it, as well as the consequences of it. That is, to the extent the site is about much of anything. It’s been really about me, and whatever I might think to say, which hasn’t been much. I keep everyone somewhat update on my health, my weight, my tobacco use, fascinating stuff like that. Lately it’s been about snus quite a bit. Tomorrow I could announce that the site is about lutes in the Gregorian period, but probably not.
But, you know, if I had a vague idea of what it’s all “about”, I guess it’s something like that. (The headwreck thing, not the lute thing.)
I should probably yammer on about two more things. One, the term “headwreck” was out there when I registered this domain years ago. It seemed to be a regional thing, maybe heavily concentrated in Australia, if I recall correctly, and I probably don’t. It was something about–it might have simply meant “a mental error”–I really don’t remember, but that sort of sounds like a pretty good definition to me.
Which leads me to thing number two, a sense that I’m weaseling out of my answer a little. Well, yes. I probably am. I wish I could say “this site is my answer”. Instead I could say, “there it is. Going forward, this site is dedicated to answering the question: “What is it to be headwrecked? What’s it about, what’s it like, what’s the effects and the consequences?”
I dunno. That seems rather grandiose. It’s also rather focused–which, I guess, is sort of a natural consequence of finding a focus–but, I mean, if I could focus like this I wouldn’t be headwrecked in the first place, now would I? I mean, this just seems weird. Also too potentially revealing. No, I don’t think I like it.
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Snus: 2-week top twelve
By Markus | January 17, 2010
Well, since through yesterday makes two weeks of me mostly faithfully tracking my snus, I have done this little update, wherein I have accounted for 193 pieces of snus. That puts me a little under 14 a day, although once you consider there’s probably been 3-5 pieces that didn’t get noted, it might be a little over that. Plus I’ve had about two cigarettes a day and a bit of snuff here and there.
My Top 12 Snus for Jan. 3-17, 2010:
| Snus | Style | Quantity |
| General | lös | 26 |
| General | portion | 22 |
| LD | portion | 21 |
| Level | portion | 16 |
| General ESL | lös | 9 |
| General ESP | portion | 7 |
| Skruf Stark | lös | 7 |
| Taboca | portion | 7 |
| Ettan | portion | 6 |
| Röda Lacket | white portion | 6 |
| Gots Gul | lös | 5 |
| Grov | lös | 5 |
I was going to do a top ten, but decided the Gots Gul and Grov deserved listing, too. As it happens, these are all the kinds I’ve had at least five pieces of since the 3rd of January.
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Taboca win
By Markus | January 16, 2010
I’m about to be buried in Taboca, apparently, which does sound better than being buried in, say, tapioca pudding. Because I bought Taboca snus from BuySnus.com at the right time, I unwittingly entered myself into a drawing. I did not win the top prize, but I did win five rolls of Taboca Portion snus. I am enjoying one of those right now, and I truly can say I could have done worse. As I write this, I flash on fifty cans of General Dry Mint Mini and I get that little sick feeling of relief from having dodged a bullet.
The thing is, I was pretty well-stocked up on Taboca anyway. Once this bounty comes in, I will have 72 cans of Taboca portions, plus 26 cans of the loose and 25 cans of the strong minis. (I love this Taboca stuff, man.) I love it, but 72 cans? I wonder if the ppl at SnusOn might be into trading for some Taboca. I should ask. Ah, but then I have to deal with it. And I haven’t even got the snus yet.
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Good heavens, it’s time to post again
By Markus | January 15, 2010
But what I want to do is play my guitar.
Hmm…
Hooking up guitar.
Well, that was fun until I went deaf in one ear. No, it was only for a few minutes. Plugged up, pressure change, something. Mini stroke. I’m kidding, don’t get mad at me. You know who you are ::peers::
Well, anyway, yeah, I can play. I really think there’s an adequate guitarist inside of me, only surrounded by a thick layer of duffer, much as I am surrounded by blubber. The key in both cases, I am thinkin’, has to do with those two magic words, Pay Attention.
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Snustracking
By Markus | January 13, 2010
Okay, I really geeked out and kept track of every day of snusing since the 3rd. Through the 12th that’s 10 days–yes it is, count it on your fingers (I did). I counted every pris, portion, sterk or ekstra-sterk portion, mini (there were none) as once “piece”. I counted 141 pieces over these ten days. Admittedly, I let a few slip by, probably 3-5. So we’ll just handwavingly say 145 pieces over 10 days, or 14.5 pieces a day. Not as bad as I thought, since I started day one (the 3rd) doing 19 pieces.
I have a lovely spreadsheet with lots of tabs for tracking this–it’s getting seriously sad. I even saved it as an html file and tweaked it a bit in Quanta. I may upload it–why the heck not–but in the meantime, here’s the most fascinating bit, if there is one:
Top ten snus I snused over ten days of snusin’:
| Snus | Style | Quantity |
| General | lös | 21 |
| LD | portion | 17 |
| Level | portion | 14 |
| General | portion | 7 |
| General ESL | lös | 7 |
| General ESP | portion | 7 |
| Ettan | portion | 6 |
| Röda Lacket | white portion | 5 |
| Skruf Stark | lös | 5 |
| Taboca | portion | 5 |
…
A couple of notes: There were 36 total varieties on the list. Also, it might be worth mentioning that I opened the General OP just the evening before the last day. If there’s a sequel to the list it will look somewhat different, but for that matter a month’s list would be much more interesting. Ten days is a pretty small snapshot.
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I must blog again
By Markus | December 31, 2009
…if only to say that yerba mate has come back into my life, quite unexpectedly, even as I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m glad.
It was a snus connection, too. These are two things I like: one new but well-established, one from the past but in a way new again.
I do have reasons to be grateful, and I don’t mean just consumables like snus and yerba mate.
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